Planning I am a chronic planner. I tend to plan out both long-term and short-term things. While I would list it as one of my strengths, it has its hangups as well. Sometimes I get so bogged down in planning out all the little bitty details that it leads to uncertainty as how to proceed. That uncertainty often leads me to indecision or anxiety over making the right choice. The fear is that I will make the wrong choice and waste time on the wrong thing before I realize what I should be doing instead.
That fear has cropped up again as I struggle with deciding about my future career. I'm currently a part-time nursing student. I am about to begin my 2nd year. There is a strong push for new nurses to go ahead and get their bachelor degree in nursing because of the direction the field is heading. And I have some good options that I may pursue if I follow that path. But here's the problem, I'm not sure that my heart is completely into going that direction. I feel myself drawn toward the nutrition field. But I have put so much work into getting where I'm at now, it is hard to know if I should make the jump from RN to RD or not. My family has sacrificed a lot for me to pursue getting my degree in nursing and that has added a bit of guilt to the decision for me. Do I follow the path that we have worked so hard for and will lead to easier job prospects? Or do I follow my heart to where I think it is leading me? These are the questions I struggle with. I feel like I have to know right now what I'm going to do when I graduate with my associate degree in nursing next Spring. What field do I get my bachelor degree in?
Right Ballpark, Wrong Seat?
But here's the thing I am beginning to understand, I don't really have to know yet. I can view it as a journey, realizing that along the way, the answers will make themselves clearer. Maybe I won't ever know for sure if I made the "right" choice. Does that really matter? Both career options are good matches for me, my interests, and my strengths. It's like my therapist said, I'm in the right ballpark; I'm just not sure if I'm in the right seat. And maybe I will end up "watching the game" from a good seat but not the best seat for me. That's okay; I will still get to see and enjoy the game from the seat I am in.
Enjoying the Journey
Sometimes we don't know exactly where we will end up. We learn things along the way that help us get closer to where we should end up. So instead of feeling anxious about what to do next year, I'm trying to focus my energy on the part of the journey that I'm on now. I will trust that as I get closer, things will get clearer. And I'm trying to sit back and remember that it's okay to not have every detail of my life planned out. Life's about the journey, not just the destination. And after all, I'm already in the right ballpark. I'll just enjoy the game from here and maybe another seat will open up or maybe I'll realize that the seat I'm already in is the best seat for me. Who knows.